burning questions

It is time, at least at this latitude, to relax with a nice hot cup beside a good-sized stove, and think about what i’d like to do to those mischievous imps who are laughing their overlord heads off at the gullibility of a public so hopped up on MSM that they are mortified at the thought of a walk to the local Korean store. 

Putting that burning question aside for a time , let’s discuss getting the most british thermal units from your block of wood, nature’s perfect fuel..

#1: to start a fire, is it best to pile the wood with the kindling on the top or on the bottom? 

That’s an easy one! It seems counter-intuitive to put the big stuff on the bottom and the finer stuff on the top but try it just once and you’ll never go back!

#2: can you recommend a great catalyst?

Best i’ve come across so far is sawdust soaked in diesel fuel. Next would be my old rags cut in small pieces and soaked in… diesel fuel. A big chunk of pine or spruce sap is excellent but takes a bit of heat to ignite. Birch bark, of course or some recommend guaze pads dipped in vaseline.  But the most reliable thing I’ve tried is diesel fuel-soaked sawdust or denim. Note of caution: never substitute even a tiny bit of gasoline!! (voice of experience)

#3: is it a good idea to draw air from outside the home into a woodstove?

You bet! When the stove gets its air from the room it’s heating it’s quite easy to see how drawing the warmest air in the room and sending it up the chimney is a bad idea. Also your stove is constantly creating a vacuum which forces chilly air into the house through any available orifice. And it depletes the oxygen level in a home making everyone super drowsy and lethargic and redundant I suppose also too as well..

A few more tips:

– spruce boughs, even green ones, burn like gasoline so no need to freeze to death in a coniferous forest unless you are a comatose quadrapalegic being kept alive by a machine i suppose…

– cut a six inch length of two inch diameter plastic pipe, cut a full-length slot in it lengthwise and place it over the hydraulic ram shaft on your canadian tire woodsplitter to save all the extra time it takes for the ram to return to splitting position each time!

– spring is the best time to get your firewood supply ready for next season. Fall is such a great time of year! Who wants to waste it cutting wood?

– fill your stove bottom to top with blocks placed cut ends towards you instead of crosswise as is usual. You control the burn time with the damper so your fire lasts much longer and you won’t go through much more wood anyway.

– make sure your door seals tightly and there are no leaks or you won’t have good control over the burn rate and may end up with a runaway stove and no more house to keep it in. And a preposition is something you should never end a sentence with.

– should you experience the horror of a chimney fire, toss a half cup of water right in there on the flames. The steam will quench or at least dampen the roaring inferno instantly! Or you could prevent that particular excitement with regular cleaning or allowing the stove to burn very hot first thing every morning instead, i suppose..

ACS: fire is hot and can burn you… precautions…general information.. don’t do stupid crap…can not be responsible…

Published by Douglas Martens

"What can you say when your mind is a total blank?"

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